November is National Adoption Month.? ?There have been lots of beautiful stories in the media about families who have adopted a child.? Lots of articles have been written encouraging families who are thinking about expanding their families to look into adopting a foster child.? The stories are heartfelt and happy and are a celebration of families being brought together through the adoption of a child.
But none of this would be possible if it weren?t for the incredible women who make the self-less choice to put their baby up for adoption.?
?Women who choose adoption up front because they know that due to life circumstances they can?t provide for that child, they are the unsung heroes to me.? said Marilu Allewelt. ?For a woman to make the choice to give up her baby that she knows she can?t care for is a loving, selfless thing to do.?
Allewelt struggled through years of infertility, suffered multiple miscarriages and had an ectopic pregnancy.?
?I was heartbroken thinking I would never be a mom,? said Allewelt. ?I found myself boycotting my friends baby showers because it was so painful to see them celebrating a baby when I wasn?t sure I would ever have one.?
Marilu and her husband Ken decided to adopt and 15 years ago their wish came true.? They were handed not one baby but two when the birth mother gave birth to twin daughters, Ashley and Rebecca.
??The day the girls were born and I held them for the first time was life changing,? said Allewelt. ?It was parallel to not being able to walk and suddenly being able to walk again.??
The Allewelt?s have been very open with their daughters about the adoption and the love and respect that they have for their birth mother.?
?We tell them that their birth mother loved them so much that she made the most difficult choice to give them up.? ?She blessed us so much by making that selfless choice.? said Allewelt.? ?The day we left the hospital with the girls, I hugged the birth mother.? She said to me ?please take care of them?. I hugged her back and said ?I will take care of them with my life?.? She will never know how courageous I think she is.?
Today in addition to being a mom of two teenage girls and a wife, she is the Adoption Coordinator at the Law Office of Madonna M. Finney.? Finney is a Florida attorney who limits her practice to adoption law. She is Board Certified in Adoption Law and considered an Adoption Law Specialist by the Florida Bar.
??When we get a call, we try to give the birth mom or interested adoptive parents all the information they need to assist in making the decisions that is right for them and the child,? said Finney. ?We want to ensure that every child is raised in a loving, safe and secure home.?
Private adoption allows birth parents to have a lot of control and a voice in the placement of their baby. That is where Allewelt steps in and starts her job as ?Baby Matchmaker.?
Once the birth parents decide on adoption, Allewelt and Finney sit down with them to create a plan of their wishes for the adoption moving forward.?
?We work with many different types of adoption, including open adoptions, closed adoptions and many variations in between,? said Finney. ?We listen to the birth parents and want them to have the type of adoption that works best for them and the child.?
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Open adoption is a broad term that covers how much contact or the relationship that the birth parents would like to have with the adoptive family after the birth. Adoptive and birth parents may choose to meet on a first-name basis for one meeting before the birth of the child with no further contact after that or they may choose to have some form of on-going contact through cards, letters, email, blogs, web sites and/or photographs as the child grows up.? ?
It is not required that birth parents choose the adoptive parents, but most birth parents like to have some input into the selection.? ?Birth parents can provide a list of criteria they would like to see in a possible adoptive family or they can review the extensive profiles and information that Finney?s firm requires adoptive parents to provide for birth parents to look through.? ?If the birth parents so desire, they can meet the potential families on the telephone or in person.
In five months, birth mother ?M? (name used to protect her identity), will give birth to her baby.? Birth mother ?M? and her husband have six children at home.? They have decided on adoption and have found family who will adopt and love their baby.
?This is the hardest thing I have ever done. But it would be unfair for me to bring a baby into a home where we can?t care for it in the way that we want.? We need to meet the needs of the children we have at home,? said birth mother ?M?.? ?We don?t believe in abortion so we chose adoption. We were able to choose the family and we have gotten to know them.? After the birth we will continue to keep in touch.?
There is a quiver in birth mother ?M??s voice before she said, ?When I get sad that someone else will be raising my child, I look down at the profile and pictures of the couple who will adopt our baby.? It makes me smile.? As hard as this is, it is a gift that we are giving to a couple who can?t have children of their own.? I am blessed to have children that fill my house and I feel blessed every time I think about this couple and how they get to experience that same blessing of being parents.?
Adoption is giving the gift of family to a child and the adoptive parents.?
?Adoption is bittersweet for the birth parents.?? They are the ?unsung heroes in all of this,? said Allewelt. ??They are the courageous ones who selflessly put the needs of their baby over their own.?
For more information for birth parents and adoptive parents go to www.madonnafinney.com
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Source: http://www.tlhmoms.com/2012/11/adoptive-mother-of-twins-says-birth-mothers-are-unsung-heroes/
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